You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
