Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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