You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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