Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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