why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
