My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
