i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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