Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
