I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
