I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
