"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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