even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
