If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize