sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
