If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
