So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
