I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
