What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
