Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
