I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
