lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
