I'm eating all of the evidence.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
