Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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