I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize