Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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