oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
