Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
