I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
