im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
