Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
