thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
