ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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