I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
