And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
