Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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