Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
