My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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