so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
