oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
