So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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