I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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