I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
