beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
