CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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