I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
