Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
