There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
