I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
