So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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