you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
