I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
