you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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