he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
