good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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