im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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