I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
