ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
