R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
