I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
