The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I deserve this hangover.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
