I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize