it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
