So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
