I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
