Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
