what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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