dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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