apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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