Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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