Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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