how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
