Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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