when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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