OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
