can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
