watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
