When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
