She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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