Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
