Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's always time for handjobs
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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