Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
