Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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