I think my fart just growled at me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
