Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
