Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
