I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
