is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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