I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Send help, water and tortillas.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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