this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize