christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
sex in a hospital.. check
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
